Brain Dumps and Mind Thumps

That’s what I see you know, in the center of it all- a small child, sitting on a large chair, not daring to move off the chair because it is safe on the chair. The child cannot get into trouble if stays on the chair, the child cannot fuck up, or mess shit up if it just stays on the chair. No one will make fun of the child if it just stays there, on the chair, hiding from everyone because no one can see it now. No one can yell at the child, tell it what it’s messing up again, saying it’s fucking up its life, or always doing it wrong, making so many mistakes, that it’ll never learn… That’s what’s there. In the middle of all the facades, under all the smiles, and the jokes, and the fake apathy. It’s a fucking little child, sitting on a chair, so afraid to get off the chair for fear is doing it wrong, for fear of falling- because no one has ever been there to help the child up, and the child thinks- why would they? No one will ever help a fuck up, no one ever has helped me, and no one ever...

I am thinking maybe I should feel a little bad about what I posted on LBs fb… but the truth is, I just can’t. “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind” but sometimes it’s the only way for people to open their fucking eyes and change! Oh that’s mean… ah well, it’s true. People don’t really change when they don’t think everything is okay, it’s only when they are on the precipice of losing everything   that they find the will the change. Or logic to change. Of course that also contradicts what I believe- and that is that everyone is changing all the time. Every choice you make, every path you take changes you and makes you into someone you were not before. People say they don’t want to change but everyday they are changing; it’s just not always the right way to be changing. And I think that's the point. What LB posted: “Not really caring if I piss you off or hurt your feelings today. I. Just. Don’t. Care.” To which Erin (LB’s ex gf) said “Have I ever told you that you’re SEX...

(NOT MY PICTURE: this was sent to me in an email about the Wallow Fire in AZ) It was a good weekend despite some potholes. Friday I wore a dress to work and everyone liked it, might make that a monthly thing. That night I went out for some drinks with Mike at Monte Vista Fire Station, one of my favorite bars, and it was nice. Once it began to get loud and crowded we left and decided to meet up at Billiard’s Palace, another favorite of mine, but Mike never made it. He texted, said he couldn’t find it and didn’t want to get a DWI so he went home. That was fine because as soon as I got there a cute- well, handsome, man who took over my tab. Peter, very nice. Made me feel good to be flirted with and then his friend Chris started flirting with me too. Made me wonder what would have happened if I had gone there in a dress and not grunge down into a vest and jeans. But we were all drinking, flirting, have a good ol’ time until Peter and I were getting ready to leave. Don’t know what sparked ...

“I can’t believe you roped me into this Tony.” I hissed and pulled the camouflage uniform away from my neck. “Sorry Kat, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” He whispered, his small frame shivering slightly as we crept down the hallway. “Well, I was stupid enough to follow you.” I put my hand out to stop him, footsteps were getting closer and we quickly turned around and ducked into a small alcove as the footsteps turned another way and faded out. “Still,” I breathed a sigh of relief. “We need to get out of here now and away from this place.” “Yeah,” Tony nodded. “The door should be thirty feet from here on the right.” We stepped into the hallway again, ears straining to hear the smallest sound and we carefully picked our way to the door. Tony pulled a small bottle of WD-40 from his pocket and shot the hinges. We didn’t know if they’d creak or not but always better to be safe when hatching an escape plan. The door opened without a sound and we slipped off into the twilig...

I saw some reviews on a few places to drink: Apothecary Louge: not cheap, dress code, but located on top of a haunted old hospital! I badly want someone to go with me, dress up and just have a good time! Of course that means finding a dress... oh I do so ever LOVE playing pretend!!! Charlie's Back Door: cheap, dark, hole-in-the-wall place that boasts a Scottish/New Mexico theme. God I wanna go but I hate attending places alone. I was thinking of taking the Dumb-dumb with me, but seriously, if I talk to him again I think I might sucker punch him into the next century. I don't wanna ask Little Bit, Bear is out of state, Dragonfly is busy, Little John will get the wrong impression, Henny's wife won't let him, Rabbit is depolyed, Buu is back in Callie... v.v so I am thinking a Strictly Platonic post on CL. I just want a drinking buddy!! Chat, text or whatever, but maininly..... Oh... I forgot about Princess Di... I wonder if she'd have the money to go with m...

She hugged herself against the cold chill that crept up her body though a warm wind swam past her. "I don't want to hear it anymore." she said to the man following her. He stopped, his red hair spiking up in the wind and he frowned. "But I'm here now," he pleaded. "I'm here, and I love you. I've always loved you, I knew I loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you." He smiled fondly at the memory. "You were lying there in my bed, curled up against a pillow, your body contorted in a way much like a cat that I assumed couldn't have been comfortable. You were beautiful, are beautiful, and I thought 'it's not right, it can't be true, the world doesn't stop spinning and time doesn't stop when you meet someone.' But it did when I saw you, and you had my heart. I brushed your hair away from your eyes as you slept, you turned into my touch and smiled, and at that moment you affectedly had my soul as well...

Ah goodness, it’s been a while since I’ve written. What a time it’s been. The casita is being built out, when it is finished I’ll post the pictures of its phases. Saturday was spent painting the casita build out and Sunday was spent hiking with my cousins- a well work out, but I made newbie mistakes and suffered for it. Every time I go hiking I always go off trail, so I always expect to come back battered, bruised and scraped, that’s nothing new. But stupidly I went in a skirt and because I couldn’t spread my legs enough to get a good grip on a boulder (wow my mind hit the gutter as soon as I typed that out) I lost my footing and my holding and I fell backwards. Caught myself on a edge but off centered and fell back down another ledge. Jarred my right leg and got a huge bruise on the bottom of my heel. Ouch. Then while stepping into water isn’t too bad, I didn’t dry my shoes out like I should have and ended up chaffing my big toe so bad I got 4 blister, 2 each at the base of both big t...