Brain Dumps and Mind Thumps

So a couple of weekends ago my mom gave Brobro a CD with classical music and he said “Oh, Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture.” I chimed in saying I love that song and mom grabbed the CD back and said he could take the rest but she wanted to hear that now. I told her it was a great song, it ended so perfectly and Brobro said it wasn’t in the end, it was in the middle! So that leads to today, listening to music on my iPod as I wait for my girlfriend to bring my phone to me so I can watch Doctor Who and I came across the 1812 Overture, I knew I had it!!! So I am listening to it and just as it ends with a bang my brother walks in and I turn it up for him. As we were listening to it I said “I know V for Vendetta used this song, but even before that movie, this whole crescendo always made me happy and giddy and I just don’t know why.” “That’s probably because of the firework show we went to when we were young in DC.” I looked at him curiously and he nodded. “Yeah, mom and dad took us to a firework...

That's Paulie and Ayden on a vlog. Love Ayden, he's just so adorable! Logan is great too, Logan is 6 and today has to be one of the best memories I have thus far!! So Logan, Paulie and Webs and I are outside after dinner, kicking back some drinks, jamming to some tunes and playing with a spanish frisbee- really fucking cool -and Logan runs into the rocks to grab the disc and hops back saying he's got a rock on his foot and reaches down to pull it out only to reveal a goatheat- instantly busts out crying! I was trying so hard not to laugh but jesus it was funny! Was hopping around for like 30 seconds before crying! At least it got him to realize that's why mommy and daddy say "wear youre shoes outside!" Ah well, it was a fun night, Paulie made dinner tonight, Webs is looking a lot better from the other night when she was sick (as in yesterday) she's still not 100% but still. I read Logan his bed time story, told him about Doctors in the 15th century and ab...

Even though they tip over the garbage can, chew on shoes, shed like there’s no tomorrow and drool all over my nice work clothes (when I dare to bring them out) I have to say that owning dogs is a great blessing. Mainly for the things they don’t even know they are doing. This morning about 2:45 I heard gun fire and explosions, I jolted awake into the deafening silence, daring not to move, not to breath for fear of being shot- but the fear quickly abated when I noticed the dogs. Still asleep, snoring, whimpering- Artie, or muffled barking- Ahriman. I felt my heart racing, could feel a cold sweat and I shivered. A dream then… As long as they don’t freak out, I won’t freak out- barring bad nightmares. I still get chills when I think about that nightmare with Volpe, and every time I see him around the work building I smile- yeah sure he’s handsome- always did have a thing for redheads- but it’s just good to know he’s still alive. What’s worse- waking up screaming or crying, or waking up a...

Have you ever closed your eyes and fallen into REM sleep so fast that when you jolt awake- still paralyzed, freaking out, you could swear on whatever is dear to you that you were asleep for hours and hours and just want to be awake now... only to find out it's only been about 15 minutes? I was standing in the dark, pitch black, the absolute absence of light. Someone screamed and I felt a cold chill run up my spine. I stood stock still, my heart racing, so loud I was afraid whoever was out there could hear it pounding against my chest. Every cell in my body was screaming- Run! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! So loudly that maybe it was someone actually screaming it.... and still, I stood still. Was I paralyzed with fear? Was I afraid that 'they' would know my location if I moved? Was I waiting to see how things played out? Another scream, this one louder, closer. Whatever it was it was closing in. I could hear foot steps, but even they sounded weird. It wasn't a bipedal coming...

That’s what I see you know, in the center of it all- a small child, sitting on a large chair, not daring to move off the chair because it is safe on the chair. The child cannot get into trouble if stays on the chair, the child cannot fuck up, or mess shit up if it just stays on the chair. No one will make fun of the child if it just stays there, on the chair, hiding from everyone because no one can see it now. No one can yell at the child, tell it what it’s messing up again, saying it’s fucking up its life, or always doing it wrong, making so many mistakes, that it’ll never learn… That’s what’s there. In the middle of all the facades, under all the smiles, and the jokes, and the fake apathy. It’s a fucking little child, sitting on a chair, so afraid to get off the chair for fear is doing it wrong, for fear of falling- because no one has ever been there to help the child up, and the child thinks- why would they? No one will ever help a fuck up, no one ever has helped me, and no one ever...

I am thinking maybe I should feel a little bad about what I posted on LBs fb… but the truth is, I just can’t. “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind” but sometimes it’s the only way for people to open their fucking eyes and change! Oh that’s mean… ah well, it’s true. People don’t really change when they don’t think everything is okay, it’s only when they are on the precipice of losing everything   that they find the will the change. Or logic to change. Of course that also contradicts what I believe- and that is that everyone is changing all the time. Every choice you make, every path you take changes you and makes you into someone you were not before. People say they don’t want to change but everyday they are changing; it’s just not always the right way to be changing. And I think that's the point. What LB posted: “Not really caring if I piss you off or hurt your feelings today. I. Just. Don’t. Care.” To which Erin (LB’s ex gf) said “Have I ever told you that you’re SEX...

(NOT MY PICTURE: this was sent to me in an email about the Wallow Fire in AZ) It was a good weekend despite some potholes. Friday I wore a dress to work and everyone liked it, might make that a monthly thing. That night I went out for some drinks with Mike at Monte Vista Fire Station, one of my favorite bars, and it was nice. Once it began to get loud and crowded we left and decided to meet up at Billiard’s Palace, another favorite of mine, but Mike never made it. He texted, said he couldn’t find it and didn’t want to get a DWI so he went home. That was fine because as soon as I got there a cute- well, handsome, man who took over my tab. Peter, very nice. Made me feel good to be flirted with and then his friend Chris started flirting with me too. Made me wonder what would have happened if I had gone there in a dress and not grunge down into a vest and jeans. But we were all drinking, flirting, have a good ol’ time until Peter and I were getting ready to leave. Don’t know what sparked ...