So, I really pray and hope that I am pregnant, but if I start my period today or soon I will be a little devastated. But things happen for a reason, and I've noticed, at least in my life, that things happen for a reason and if I am pregnant then it is meant to be and if I am not, than that is meant to be. However, I do pray that I am, I really want a child, preferably a little boy, but a girl would be good too.
So the question becomes should I wait or should I get a pregnancy test now and find out? And if I find out that I am, who do I tell? Ragazzo of course, and my parents my siblings, but other than that I think I might keep it to myself for a while. A little scared of miscarriage, or if someone goes wrong, :( kinda scary thoughts there. Anyhow, I might just be getting my hopes up again, time to focus on something else.
My period hasn't started yet, but I think this might be the usual pre-period jitter of 'hope I'm pregnant' then start to bleed. If I haven't started bleeding by the 28th then I'll get tested. I do hope that I'm pregnant, but I think this is the usual jitter. Of course this time there was that one day... So fingers crossed.
But I need to talk about the backyard, when Ragazzo bought this house he was with his ex-wife, and was looking for the whole family and white-picket fence life. He started working on the backyard but when they ended the marriage it was left barren.
I remember him talking about it at school, how the backyard was mostly rocks and how he moved all the rocks to the side of the yard and was going to till the yard and lay grass. Well after the divorce he was so pessimistic about love and family, so when I moved in I brought my two dogs and the disused backyard was quickly piling up with dog turds. Then I lost my internship and had all this free time on my hands I got it into my head to take the backyard and make it mine. So I asked Ragazzo if he minded if I designed the backyard and changed it. At first he seemed a little apprehensive about it, asked where the money would come from and I said myself. So he agreed and I started thinking about so many different ideas, but so did he.
First he built me a little shade structure off the back of the patio roof. As you can see, he removed most of the panels that enclosed the patio. That was fun (sarcasm).
Ragazzo still wants some grass in the backyard, and I agree, but unlike him it won't be a majority of the yard, but a good size of it. Also want to build up part of the wall, I saw this great idea of using cinder blocks to make a succulent garden. I want to get some vines, the Virginia creeper and the wisteria, to climb on the little shade structure Ragazzo built for me.
Well, I have to post this, then I am off to Billiards leagues tonight!!